Ombré Nails

Hello

I thought I'd show you some nail art I did over the weekend. 

I absolutely love ombré nail art, I'm quite pleased with how these have turned out. 

I used 

Barry M white (as a base)

Models Own Blueberry Muffin, Apple pie and pastel pink. 

China glaze snow globe. 

I hope you like them!

ABM xxx

'Nails By Kimi' is my official tag and copyrighted. 

Bad Day

Hi loves 

I hope you're all doing well. 

I wasn't so great yesterday something trigger me off into a binge and the binge lead to harming myself. 

I'm so sick and tired of this vicious circle I find myself in. 

So basically, I felt insulted yesterday morning by another person. 

Usually when I drop off Diddle at school, I'll take a walk into town, to grab a few odds n sods. 

It was raining so I had Bubs in his pram with the rain cover. I went into Boots to grab him something for his cough, then I ran into PoundLand to buy Diddle a pack of smarties and a few other items. 

I walked onto the shop on a world of my own, which isn't uncommon, whilst muttering to myself about what I needed, and trying to calm Bubs down as he was crying at this stage, and I walked past the security guard, and headed right to the confectionary isle. I picked up Diddles Smarties, dropped them ontop of the pram hood and carried on walking around the store. I zipped around the store 2 or 3 times, realised they didn't have what I needed, grabbed some other goodies and proceeded to the que. 

Now as I was mindlessly wondering around the store, I did notice that the security guard was following me, watching my every move. I was getting angrier and angrier. I could feel his eyes on me. It was horrible. I felt like he was judging me, I felt targeted. All because I was pushing a pram. They seem to think that if you have a pram, you're on the rob. 

Once I did que up, he returned to his spot, located at the front of the store, and in the 10mins I was que'd up, he didn't not once move from his spot or look at anyone else. I was so infuriated. 

So when I did finally get served, once I received my change from the cashier, I said, in a very angry (and loud tone of voice) 

'You wanna tell your security guard that not everyone who comes in here with a pram is one the rob. And I will be taking this further'

She didn't look at me, or say anything. Which wound me up even more. 

I left the store in such a state, I was angry, I felt physically sick, I was crying and shaking. 

I suffer so bad with my nerves and anxiety. Anyone else would of shrugged this off, but not me. How can i??

The rest of the day was a blur. I binges, I purged, I binged some more. And I harmed myself - again. I was so worked up. 

By the time my hubby came home I felt physically wore out. I had already phoned him up to tell him about the incident. I went to bed when he got back at 5:30pm and that's where I stayed till the next morning. 

Have you ever felt so angry before like this?

Tank care my loves 

ABM xxx

Bit Of Nail Art

I was feeling a little down the other night so I decided to do my nails. 

I haven't really done much with my nails of a good while so I'm so really out of touch! 

This is what I came up with. 

I used Models Own Hyper Gel in Cerise Shine, Models own Gold (limited edition freebie form forever ago) Barry M matte White, setch Vite top coat and a dotting tool to make the flowers and spots :)

The Models Own HyperGel was amazing! So shiny when it dried and it looked like I'd been to a professional salon. 

Drying time took a while but with SetchVite it cut the drying time by half. 

Cerise could be a one coater if you were in a rush but for best results I used three thinner coats. The coverage was great and even. 

Barry M Matte White is my all time favourite white, even coverage with two good coats. 

I hope you like!

ABM xxx

Trying To be Optimisc.

Hello!

How are you all doing? 

I'm actually doing quite good today, the hubby has finished work early and he's off for a few days, so a little weight and pressure has been lifted. He's still a bit of a pain in the ass, hardly spoke to me today. But yeah, whatever. 

I promised myself that I'd be positive today, I found this quote online; 

Whatever you do, keep your faith in yourself. 

(Source google)

So yeah, basically I'm gonna try to be happy and try to look on the bright side, I haven't cut for a week and I've tried to eat clean and well. 

Exercise is also going well, is that some baby muscles I see forming??? 

Annd if you know me, yeah I'm waffling again, I just don't know! I feel happy today!!!

I had a good natter with an old friend last night, and she's given me hope that there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. 

You know who you are and If you're reading, thank u so frigging much sweetie. <3

As the words of Journey :

Much love to you all

ABM xxxx

My Obsession.

Hello!

Just a quick post about my obsession. 

I LOVE Nail Polish!! I have a lot of the stuff.  A good while ago before I had Bubs, I did a lot of nail art, spent a lot of time (and money 🙈) on polish and tools, and what not. 

(I think I have a very obsessive personality!)

This is my Barry M collection, since taking this photo, I found 3 more bottles... I need to learn how to keep my stuff organised. 😳

Barry M is my all time favourite brand of polish, it's it not expensive (ranging between £2.99 - £4.99) and they are really good quality! 

My second favourite brand is Models Own. These are slightly more expensive, (£5 a bottle) but still really nice polishes to use! 

I have lots of other nail polish but hey, I don't wanna bore y'all too much. Haha 

Thanks for reading!

ABM xxx

(All products have been purchased with my own money, I have not received samples from suppliers - all opinions are my own. I have not been asked by companies to review their products)

My Poor Mom

Hello,

I'm going to tell you a little about my Mom. 

Just a week before my son was born, she was diagnosed with breast cancer - Triple Negative.  I didn't actually find out about this until a week after having him. I think she told me 2 days before she had her op to have the lump removed. 

It had turned out that she actually had the pre op the day I had Bubs. 

How on earth she held it together I'll never know, because the day I had Bubs, that was a complete nightmare - I'll tell you about his birth another day. 

So anyway, my mom had her operation, to remove the lump, and the lump had actually grown bigger in the two weeks from when she was diagnosed. Scary! But the operation went well from what I was told. 

She then started her chemo treatment, she had a few weeks of that, then radiotherapy, then more chemo. 

The only thing she really feared was loosing her hair. Her hair thinned, and eventually fell out, but surprisingly enough, it wasn't the chemo or radio that had made her loose her hair. No, it was her back. 

See halfway into her treatment, she had a problem with her back, which caused a lot of pain in her legs, she spent a few days in hospital for scans and expats and the des were worried us was due to the cancer. It wasn't, it turned out the had a slipped disc and a pretruding disk. 

My mom couldn't walk, she was on a cocktail of meds, and eventually the hospital agreed to perform an operation. Once all her chemo had finished. 

She had the operation a week ago, they removed the one disc and I imagine that it was replaces with a plastic disk or something, and shaved? The other disc. 

My mom came out of hospital the next day and I stayed over night with her, she lives alone as she split from her partner a few yrs ago. 

Bringing us to the present date. She has lost all of her hair, due to the meds she was on for her back, she's still struggling to walk, and she's in a lot of pain. 

I'm constantly worrying about her as she now tells me she's not eating,she's in constant pain, her back is all bruised which I believe is from the op, and causing her the pain. She's not sleeping but spends most of her day in bed as it's less painful for her to lie down then stay sitting around the living room. 

I'm going up tomorrow to see how she's doing and to do some odd jobs for her. 

I'll keep you all updated on her progress. 

Thanks for reading. 

ABM xxx

Thoughts

So as you read in my previous post, I told you about my self harm. 

I'm just sat in the bath thinking, 'I have cuts on my hip, how can my husband not notice those'

He doesn't notice these things, purely because he doesn't notice me. He sees me cry most days, and he carries on with whatever it is he's doing, doesn't stop to ask me what's up, and when he does, I do try to tell him, of course I would, why wouldn't i? It doesn't seem to get through to him. 

Back to my cuts, so yeah right now I have a dozen cuts on my hip, they were from last week, when I got myself really down, the kids where being difficult, no hubby around, I got frustrated, I binged - I hadn't eaten properly for 10 days, I got angry with myself, and I took it out on myself, in The only way I know. 

It hurts to feel alone. I have friends, had friends should I say, I have some 'internet friends' but friend friends? Nope. They're never there when I need them. 

I'm married, surely he should notice, try to help me? Where is my marriage going? He's never there, he works till whenever, I ask him to finish work on time, and he never does. Is work more important than me? His family? Is he just staying there to be away from me?? 

Urgh I'm waffling again. 

Next post will be a happy one. I promis. 

Thanks for reading

ABM xxxx