Well today I just feel like I could give up. I honestly can't explain why I feel this way.
I feel so alone. My husband hardly ever makes an effort with me. Our relationship is almost non existant, Diddle is a handful and Bubs is too.
I'm in a constant battle with my body and weight. One day I feel good and the next I hate everything about myself. I binge/purge - feel crap, starve, repeat.
I have no friends who I could just call and say hey, I wanna die right now. I have family but I hardly ever see them. It would be so lovely if I had one of those moms who was at my house all the time.
I hate feeling alone. I don't want to be on my own right now. I need help. No ones here though and those who say they're there for me, where are they now?
I never have any time to myself, I'm either walking diddle to school n back, entertaining my kids, cleaning, cooking, dressing kids, doing everything for diddle because although she's almost 4 she cannot do a single thing for herself. Both kids demand my attention, both always want me to do something for them.
Bubs is behind in his development because I find it hard to give him my time.
The hubby tells me to leave the housework, and when I do leave it, he moans. I can't win.
I never get time to breathe. It's taking me forever to type this up cos I keep having to stop every 2 mins.
I feel that right now I could seriously do something stupid. If I could cut I would. If I could overdose and end my life now, I would.
I don't want this existence anymore. It's not even a life.
I don't even think I want help right now. I just wanna end it all and be done with it. No one would even notice I'd gone - well except the kids, and hubby cos whose gonna be there to clean their house and put food on their table??
ABM xxx
