On A Downer

Hello my lovelies. 

Well today I just feel like I could give up. I honestly can't explain why I feel this way.

I feel so alone. My husband hardly ever makes an effort with me. Our relationship is almost non existant, Diddle is a handful and Bubs is too. 

I'm in a constant battle with my body and weight. One day I feel good and the next I hate everything about myself. I binge/purge - feel crap, starve, repeat. 

I have no friends who I could just call and say hey, I wanna die right now. I have family but I hardly ever see them. It would be so lovely if I had one of those moms who was at my house all the time. 

I hate feeling alone. I don't want to be on my own right now. I need help. No ones here though and those who say they're there for me, where are they now?

I never have any time to myself,  I'm either walking diddle to school n back, entertaining my kids, cleaning, cooking, dressing kids, doing everything for diddle because although she's almost 4 she cannot do a single thing for herself. Both kids demand my attention, both always want me to do something for them. 

Bubs is behind in his development because I find it hard to give him my time. 

The hubby tells me to leave the housework, and when I do leave it, he moans. I can't win. 

I never get time to breathe. It's taking me forever to type this up cos I keep having to stop every 2 mins. 

I feel that right now I could seriously do something stupid. If I could cut I would. If I could overdose and end my life now, I would. 

I don't want this existence anymore. It's not even a life. 

I don't even think I want help right now. I just wanna end it all and be done with it. No one would even notice I'd gone - well except the kids, and hubby cos whose gonna be there to clean their house and put food on their table??

ABM xxx

The Dot Day Project

Hello Lovlies

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I'm still desperately trying to find who I am. 

But, as a whole, I am feeling a little better about myself today- yay! I mean it's gonna be a long while before I'm on top form, but it's a start. 

Anyway, before I turn this into a lengthy post, I wanted to tell you about 'The Dot Day Project' which has been trending on Instagram and Twitter  #TheDotDayProject

It's basically to show support to others who are battling with certain problems/issues. 

Here is the trending photo;

It's pretty much self explanatory. 

Here's my dots;

I have been affected by many of the issues (words/phrases) as illustrated in the first picture. 

These are my past, my present, but hopefully not my future. 

I am now working my butt off to make my life a happier one :)

Stay Strong my Lovlies. 

ABM xxx