Bad Day

Hi loves 

I hope you're all doing well. 

I wasn't so great yesterday something trigger me off into a binge and the binge lead to harming myself. 

I'm so sick and tired of this vicious circle I find myself in. 

So basically, I felt insulted yesterday morning by another person. 

Usually when I drop off Diddle at school, I'll take a walk into town, to grab a few odds n sods. 

It was raining so I had Bubs in his pram with the rain cover. I went into Boots to grab him something for his cough, then I ran into PoundLand to buy Diddle a pack of smarties and a few other items. 

I walked onto the shop on a world of my own, which isn't uncommon, whilst muttering to myself about what I needed, and trying to calm Bubs down as he was crying at this stage, and I walked past the security guard, and headed right to the confectionary isle. I picked up Diddles Smarties, dropped them ontop of the pram hood and carried on walking around the store. I zipped around the store 2 or 3 times, realised they didn't have what I needed, grabbed some other goodies and proceeded to the que. 

Now as I was mindlessly wondering around the store, I did notice that the security guard was following me, watching my every move. I was getting angrier and angrier. I could feel his eyes on me. It was horrible. I felt like he was judging me, I felt targeted. All because I was pushing a pram. They seem to think that if you have a pram, you're on the rob. 

Once I did que up, he returned to his spot, located at the front of the store, and in the 10mins I was que'd up, he didn't not once move from his spot or look at anyone else. I was so infuriated. 

So when I did finally get served, once I received my change from the cashier, I said, in a very angry (and loud tone of voice) 

'You wanna tell your security guard that not everyone who comes in here with a pram is one the rob. And I will be taking this further'

She didn't look at me, or say anything. Which wound me up even more. 

I left the store in such a state, I was angry, I felt physically sick, I was crying and shaking. 

I suffer so bad with my nerves and anxiety. Anyone else would of shrugged this off, but not me. How can i??

The rest of the day was a blur. I binges, I purged, I binged some more. And I harmed myself - again. I was so worked up. 

By the time my hubby came home I felt physically wore out. I had already phoned him up to tell him about the incident. I went to bed when he got back at 5:30pm and that's where I stayed till the next morning. 

Have you ever felt so angry before like this?

Tank care my loves 

ABM xxx