Getting myself on track ☺️

Hi everyone 👍

So after my last post I was feeling really down. I've taken myself off the 'happy pills' yay! Urgh, seriously no, I hate the thought of being on these things. The Dr says it'll help to the edge off things. Thing is I don't wanna take the edge off I just want myself back and to be able to get rid of all my negativity without relying on a pill to mask it. So I've been slowly weaning myself off them. 

It's hard going but I know I'm doing the right thing. 

Anyways, that aside, I am actually feeling a little more positive. I have a couple of special people to thank, for that. 

An old good friend, who has known me for years, who has always been around for me. He knows who he is, and im thankful for him not giving up on me. Even when I've been a complete bitch at  times.

Secondly, a very lovely person who actually I've only just met, which was through a total random Facebook post. 

Id like to think that he too will also be a positive change in my life. Regardless of the physical distance between us. 

Also, my new house is having a positive affect on my overall well being. I've enjoyed putting the work in, and reaping the benefits of my hard work. I'm really looking forward to moving in. I love my new home!

My two children are doing wonderfully well. I love them both do much, I can't imagine my life without them. Between them, they are keeping me strong, and give me a reason for living. 

I hope you are all good and well and I'll catch you all soon!

Stay safe 

ABM xxx

Ramble

Hello. 

I've realised that I haven't posted for a good while. I think I've been trying to deal with things differently, rather than writing down stuff, I've been trying to ignore the demons in my mind. 

But I've soon discovered that ignoring things, doesn't make them go away. There's still the little voices in my head telling me things. 

I've had a slight relapse in my eating disorder recovery. I find when I have so much going on in my life, I find I need to control something, and the only thing I can control is myself. 

So here's a little brief on what's currently going on. 

My daughter, Diddle, is growing up fast before my eyes. She starts full time school in september, and right now I'm finding that difficult to deal with. I mean, she's 4, still a baby. She will always be my baby, and I'll do everything I can to protect her. But while she's at school, I can't. I worry about things like, if she falls and bumps her knee, who will comfort her? She always runs to me when she's hurt or sick. I fear she'll be ignored and given the brush off by her teacher. 

She's also a very clever little girl, what if she gets put back, because she's too clever? And her teachers won't give her the extra support and encouragement that she's always received from me?? 

So much is running through my mind...I can't even...I'm gonna miss her so much

And then here Bubs, my baby boy. He is coming along grandly, and he is so incredible. I have no worries about him as of now, but he can be a little terror at times, isn't that all kids??

I am also currently in the process of moving house. This is stressing me on so many levels!! I feel like all the work is being left to me, because as u know, the hubby is never around. I'm the one that's going up most days/nights to decorate, I'm the one left packing boxes, I'm the one left to sort out repairs...the list goes on. 

But on the other hand, I'm finding this good therapy, and it keeping my mind occupied. 

I'm starting to struggle with my body image again. I had to quit the gym due to health issues, I feel like ana is coming back to haunt me again. 

Sometimes I just feel so alone.

Fact is, I am alone. 

There's no I can can really turn too. All my good friends are too far away to console me. No one to help me when I'm in need of help or a shoulder to cry on. 

Bye for now 

ABM xxx

Please Donate!

Hi my lovelies 

Today I ran the Cancer Research UK Race for Life today. It was a 5k run. 

The weather was absolutely beautiful, and the atmosphere amongst the women was amazing!

My team included, my aunt, one of my 'mummy friends' and my 4yo daugher. 

Just a few photos I threw together. 

I'll be entering another event next month, again for cancer research Race for Life, but this one will be 10k eekkk!!!!!

This event is very important to me as I lost my nan in law to cancer a few years back. And of you can remember from a previous post, I told you that my mom is still fighting breast cancer. 

Everywhere there is someone being told that they have cancer, but with fundraising events like this, more and more people are surviving from cancer. 

If you would like to donate to a very worthy cause, it's really simple, you can just text 'KMGS86 £1' to 70070 to donate £1 to cancer research. 

Or You can make a donation via my page: "http://www.justgiving.com/kimsherwood". It's easy, fast and totally secure.

JustGiving sends our donation straight to Cancer Research UK and, if you're a UK tax payer, automatically reclaims Gift Aid on Cancer Research UK's behalf, making your donation go further. What's more, JustGiving will never spam or sell your details.

I hope you'll join me in supporting Cancer Research UK.

Thanks for reading. 

ABM xxx

Sorry I've been MIA

Hello!

As the title says, sorry I've been Missing In Action, it's just that so much has happened recently. 

My kids have been an absolute handful. Both currently ill with ChickenPox so they've been slightly more demanding than usual (I know right?) 

My little man celebrated his first birthday, and he's been back and forth to physio with his dodgy deformed foot. 

My health has just gone completely downhill :( 

I had a scan on my abdomen recently and discovered that I have got a rather large gallstone! My consultant has told me that I will need an operation to completely remove my gallbladder. Also, I've found out that I have celiac disease. Which explains why I'm struggling to keep food down. All the problems have been brought on buy my eating disorder. Woop! (Not really, kill me now!!)

But other than that, all is ok. I've been training like a trooper for this years Cancer Research, Race For Life. I've entered two events this year, 5k and a 10k. Both I will be running/jogging around the course. 

I'm collecting sponsors/donations and if anyone would like to donate to a worthy cause, this is the link which directs you to my Just Giving page. 

https://www.justgiving.com/kimsherwood/

So yeah, that's it really, just busy busy and having fun being ill and training :p 

Thanks for reading 

ABM xxx

On A Downer

Hello my lovelies. 

Well today I just feel like I could give up. I honestly can't explain why I feel this way.

I feel so alone. My husband hardly ever makes an effort with me. Our relationship is almost non existant, Diddle is a handful and Bubs is too. 

I'm in a constant battle with my body and weight. One day I feel good and the next I hate everything about myself. I binge/purge - feel crap, starve, repeat. 

I have no friends who I could just call and say hey, I wanna die right now. I have family but I hardly ever see them. It would be so lovely if I had one of those moms who was at my house all the time. 

I hate feeling alone. I don't want to be on my own right now. I need help. No ones here though and those who say they're there for me, where are they now?

I never have any time to myself,  I'm either walking diddle to school n back, entertaining my kids, cleaning, cooking, dressing kids, doing everything for diddle because although she's almost 4 she cannot do a single thing for herself. Both kids demand my attention, both always want me to do something for them. 

Bubs is behind in his development because I find it hard to give him my time. 

The hubby tells me to leave the housework, and when I do leave it, he moans. I can't win. 

I never get time to breathe. It's taking me forever to type this up cos I keep having to stop every 2 mins. 

I feel that right now I could seriously do something stupid. If I could cut I would. If I could overdose and end my life now, I would. 

I don't want this existence anymore. It's not even a life. 

I don't even think I want help right now. I just wanna end it all and be done with it. No one would even notice I'd gone - well except the kids, and hubby cos whose gonna be there to clean their house and put food on their table??

ABM xxx

The Dot Day Project

Hello Lovlies

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I'm still desperately trying to find who I am. 

But, as a whole, I am feeling a little better about myself today- yay! I mean it's gonna be a long while before I'm on top form, but it's a start. 

Anyway, before I turn this into a lengthy post, I wanted to tell you about 'The Dot Day Project' which has been trending on Instagram and Twitter  #TheDotDayProject

It's basically to show support to others who are battling with certain problems/issues. 

Here is the trending photo;

It's pretty much self explanatory. 

Here's my dots;

I have been affected by many of the issues (words/phrases) as illustrated in the first picture. 

These are my past, my present, but hopefully not my future. 

I am now working my butt off to make my life a happier one :)

Stay Strong my Lovlies. 

ABM xxx

Water Marble Nails

Hi everyone!

I hope you're having a great day. 

I just thought I'd share some nail art I did a couple of nights ago. 

When I was big on my nails a couple of years ago, my favourite technique was water marbling. 

To achieve this look, I used Barry M Gelly paints. They have the perfect consistency for water marbling. 

'I'll do up a quick tutorial one of the days, but basically, paint your nails a base colour, this time I used Barry M Matt white, grab yourself a shot glass (no, we don't need to get drunk to do this!!) pop some room temp water in it (see, not a drop of alcohol in sight!!)

Grab 2 or 3 colours of nail polish (I'll list up below what I used) then let the polish drop from the brush into the water, and alternate the colours, kinda like a bulls eye, then with a cocktail stick, drag the polish into a pattern, then dunk your nail in! 

Then keeping your nail in the water, clean off the excess polish off the surface of the water, then lift out your finger. 

Then all being well you should have a pretty design left on your nail!!

Clean up using cotton buds and pure actone and seal with a good topcoat. 

I think they came out quite well! What do you think?

Have you ever tried water marble nail art?

Products used;

Rimmel Double Duty base coat

Barry M Gelly Paints in; blueberry, prickly pear, papaya and green berry

Setch Vite quick dry topcoat

Tanke care my lovelies!

ABM xxx

(Nails By Kimi)