Hello to anyone who's taking the time to read this
I wanted my first entry to be mind blowingly amazing!! Buuut my life isn't that fun. Infact I'll probably bore the crap out of you. If I'm boring you already, sorry, thanks for stopping by, have a great day
To those of you who are still reading this crap, then hello! Welcome! Pull up a seat and join me while I tell you a little about myself.
Deep breath....
Right, firstly I should start by saying I'm depressed. No seriously. Depressed to the point where I self harm. (Wow, bet that's got your attention?) I've been harming for about 10 years. Sometimes I go for weeks or months without harming myself. Sometimes it only takes a trigger and I'm hurting myself.
Also, I have an eating disorder. Yay me! Who wants to be my friend now?? Eating disorders (ED) isn't fun. To have your entire life taken over with hatred and thoughts of food. When a trigger sets off a binge, then a trigger sets of harming...it's a vicious circle. Most days I don't eat at all. I hate food. Food is a horrible thing. It makes me fat. It makes me unhappy. I hate being told to eat. It's my body right?
I consider myself 'ProAna' some might disagree. You don't need to be thin to have an eating disorder.
I was given help, the help helped. The help vanished. Just like most good things in my life.
So I battle alone.
Oh did I mention I have two children?? Yes I have two kids, ones almost 4, a girl. Who is the most stubborn little lady you'd ever meet (TRIGGER!!!) and a 9 month old baby boy. Who loves nothing more than to keep me awake at night. I'm writing this and he's currently screaming the house down (it's currently 11:34pm) he's been fed, changed, rocked calpol'ed up and nothing settles him (woo another Trigger)
Anyways, you're probably reading this thinking, she seems happy - with the way this reads. I mean I am, 'happy' but equally I could throw myself off a bridge right now...bipolar anyone?
I have dark days, when all I wanna do is curl up and sleep the day away. I have no energy most days for even the simplest of tasks.
So yeah that's me up there! If you've read this and thought she's crazy, then you're right. I am. If you're reading thinking wow what an idiot, again you're right.
This is only skimming the surface of my darkest thoughts, you'll get to know me. I'll someday get down all my thoughts and fears, wants and needs. Someday, someone out there will want to help me. I mean truly help me. Not just think awe she's feeling down, let's take her out for a meal and pretend everything's ok.
So, yeah, if you come back to check future posts yay that's fab! If not, thanks for reading and treating me like everyone else does :)
Byeeee!!!!
ABM (a Beautiful Mess)
Water marble 
