Ramble

Hello. 

I've realised that I haven't posted for a good while. I think I've been trying to deal with things differently, rather than writing down stuff, I've been trying to ignore the demons in my mind. 

But I've soon discovered that ignoring things, doesn't make them go away. There's still the little voices in my head telling me things. 

I've had a slight relapse in my eating disorder recovery. I find when I have so much going on in my life, I find I need to control something, and the only thing I can control is myself. 

So here's a little brief on what's currently going on. 

My daughter, Diddle, is growing up fast before my eyes. She starts full time school in september, and right now I'm finding that difficult to deal with. I mean, she's 4, still a baby. She will always be my baby, and I'll do everything I can to protect her. But while she's at school, I can't. I worry about things like, if she falls and bumps her knee, who will comfort her? She always runs to me when she's hurt or sick. I fear she'll be ignored and given the brush off by her teacher. 

She's also a very clever little girl, what if she gets put back, because she's too clever? And her teachers won't give her the extra support and encouragement that she's always received from me?? 

So much is running through my mind...I can't even...I'm gonna miss her so much

And then here Bubs, my baby boy. He is coming along grandly, and he is so incredible. I have no worries about him as of now, but he can be a little terror at times, isn't that all kids??

I am also currently in the process of moving house. This is stressing me on so many levels!! I feel like all the work is being left to me, because as u know, the hubby is never around. I'm the one that's going up most days/nights to decorate, I'm the one left packing boxes, I'm the one left to sort out repairs...the list goes on. 

But on the other hand, I'm finding this good therapy, and it keeping my mind occupied. 

I'm starting to struggle with my body image again. I had to quit the gym due to health issues, I feel like ana is coming back to haunt me again. 

Sometimes I just feel so alone.

Fact is, I am alone. 

There's no I can can really turn too. All my good friends are too far away to console me. No one to help me when I'm in need of help or a shoulder to cry on. 

Bye for now 

ABM xxx