I'm just sat in the bath thinking, 'I have cuts on my hip, how can my husband not notice those'
He doesn't notice these things, purely because he doesn't notice me. He sees me cry most days, and he carries on with whatever it is he's doing, doesn't stop to ask me what's up, and when he does, I do try to tell him, of course I would, why wouldn't i? It doesn't seem to get through to him.
Back to my cuts, so yeah right now I have a dozen cuts on my hip, they were from last week, when I got myself really down, the kids where being difficult, no hubby around, I got frustrated, I binged - I hadn't eaten properly for 10 days, I got angry with myself, and I took it out on myself, in The only way I know.
It hurts to feel alone. I have friends, had friends should I say, I have some 'internet friends' but friend friends? Nope. They're never there when I need them.
I'm married, surely he should notice, try to help me? Where is my marriage going? He's never there, he works till whenever, I ask him to finish work on time, and he never does. Is work more important than me? His family? Is he just staying there to be away from me??
Urgh I'm waffling again.
Next post will be a happy one. I promis.
Thanks for reading
ABM xxxx
Its a hard one Kimi, cause he could be working late to keep food on the table and roof over yours and the kids head. But I totally get what you mean its the way your brain makes you think and it is hard to stop over thinking things and over analysing things.
ReplyDeleteKeep safe girl lots of love xxx
I'm not sure it's even that, it's not like we 'need' the money. He doesn't have to work over all the time, there's nothing in his contract saying he has to do over time. He can come away when his shift finishes. He did this a while ago and I caught him up on it. It changed for a week or so then it went back to normal. You'd think that cos he knows I'm struggling with the kids he'd make the effort to get back on time. I actually feel like leaving him. I'd be better off a single mom.
DeleteThanks for the reply anyways xxx
Sorry I've taken so long to reply hun. Thats the problem isnt it especially if you actually feel like you could be better off without him. Or are you only feeling like this because of how your feeling in your head atm :/ Its hard if people really dont understand depression isnt have you tried telling him this is how your feeling at the moment? Have you been to the doctors?xxxxx
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